i want it so bad i want it so bad

........where to start....

i first met childe on 10th september 2021, 4 days into playing genshin. i'd like to say it was love at first sight, but falling in love with him has been much more gradual than that... >3

in october [the month i count our anniversary from.... :3], i was still in the midst of being brainwashed by selfship tumblr and their lists of f/os, and yet i refused to put childe onto this list unless i put thoma onto it as well [god rest his soul] because somehow.. i knew that childe meant more to me.

i spent a large chunk of 2022 being in denial for various reasons, and so my life motivation nowadays is to love childe tartaglia ajax openly and to the extent that he deserves!! he makes me feel more loved than i ever thought possible of someone who's not even real, and i like to spend my time trying to match up to him. we seem to be in a game of one-upping each other :]

..i really do struggle to put me & childe into words. maybe if you drink a whole lot and then listen to the song above [click the electro symbol if you haven't already] you'll understand. i think i'm on a new plane of existence. only half joking.

i want to rewrite this area someday [as well as everything else tbh] so make sure to check out past things i've written about me and ajax... especially my main shrine on neocities... >3 thanks

---

'but my body holds me back. trapped behind bone and flesh.
oh how we would love, if our bodies weren't in the way.
if our lips could touch, how soft would you be?
if i was allowed to love you the way i need, just for one beautiful moment, i could never leave your side.'